This is Gift #3 in my series “Gifts From Mom”
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I have to say, that over the past few weeks I have been really struggling to find some way to connect with the memory of my Momma.
A dear friend had shared a story of trying to find some way to connect with a mom who had abandoned her and then passed away before she got to reconnect with her. As she shared her story I kept thinking about how lucky I was to have had my mom in my life.
Later that day as her story was running through my mind, I found myself lamenting over her sadness of not having anything in her life from her mom that she could identify with.
At that, I sat down and thought making a list would help me not feel so disconnected and maybe bring some peace into my own struggle. With pen and paper in hand I was ready to begin.
So I wrote…
I sat there in amazement and just couldn’t find anything. Nothing was coming to me. I kept telling myself that after 50+ years with her surely this list should flow like water from a faucet.
Finally, I relented and just walked away from the list idea. Telling myself I was overthinking everything and just needed to step away.
On this Good Friday, I readied myself for church and headed out the door.
Thoughts of disappointment were still looming in my mind. I kept hearing this little voice in my head try to convince me of my failure as a daughter because I couldn’t come up with a list.
As I pulled into the church parking lot I decided this would have to be an argument (with myself) for a later date.
I walked in and sat down and relaxed into the soft and gentle medley coming from the piano. Soon my heart and head were in a much better place and the little voice had disappeared…finally!
The Worship Team began singing…a hymn!
I attend a church that usually only sings the newer praise and worship songs; which I love. But today they broke out the hymnal and sang three songs that I had heard and remembered my mother singing throughout my lifetime.
I gladly joined in. I sang them like I had never sang them before. There was such joy and familiarity in each song. I felt like I was being covered in a well used blanket of comfort and peace. They had definitely brought me into a much better place.
It wasn’t until service was over that I recognized this truly remarkable gift that Momma had given me…her love of music. Especially the old hymns.
I have always loved music and the connection it has in our lives. And I am ever so grateful that I have a Father who reminded me, through music, of the incredible connection I will always have with my Momma.
Momma couldn’t read music so she would type out whatever song she was singing and make little notes on it that would help her out. I am lucky enough to have her singing this medley on tape. This is a gift that will just keep on giving…
So appropriate for this Easter season don’t you think!